Why are we playing this; This tastes awful

1. The Sunscreen Game

Let's face it "The sunscreen game" sounds like it is bound to be an awful game. The mention of this game is usually said with a cringe, and for good reason. Why did we play a game that involves the consumption of sunscreen? We may never know. Yes we actually did eat sunscreen in this game. Suffice to say if you're somewhat deranged awesome like us this is the excuse you've been looking for to consume that tasty UV blocking substance.

Basically, this involved us playing The Dice Game on a very boring day to determine who had to eat little blots of sunscreen. It was like gambling but instead of money you had to EAT SUNSCREEN. (I emphasise this because I don't think you understand how disgusting this game was and how much more intense it felt than loosing a bit of money).

Here's how to play:

Step 1. Play the dice game

Step 2. Lose

Step 3. Feel the shame of defeat

Step 4. Decide if you want to eat 1 blot of sunscreen or go "double or nothing" (If double or nothing, repeat steps 1- 4)

Step 5. Squirt a blot of sunscreen onto your finger (about the size of a pea)

Step 6. Eat the sunscreen

Step 7. Frantically attempt to wipe off the remains of the sunscreen which seems to have formed a permanent coating over your taste buds

Step 8. Fail

Step 9. Experience intense desire to share this delightful experience with your fellow player

Step 10. Repeat all steps

Step 11. Question sanity*

* Optional. For us it is not a question of if we still possess it, but rather if we ever had it.

Now as a veteran of this horrible horrible excuse of a "game" I can personally vouch for how utterly disgusting sunscreen tastes. Especially when the faded yellowing pump bottle of it sits tormenting you on the table while your 16 blots in debt and wildly yelling "DOUBLE OR NOTHING!" As you throw the dice like a maniac and pray. The pungent aroma of the sunscreen is ever present, reminding you of the bitter punishment awaiting the loser. This game has totally wrecked going to the beach for me. In case you want the experience of the game without the...experience of the game :S here is my description of what copious amounts of sunscreen tastes like. (By the way, blots and blots of sunscreen taste exponentially more over powering than just getting some in your mouth when you put sunscreen on.)

Taste:

Imagine metal.

Imagine metal covered in eggs.

Rotten eggs.

Rotten eggs mixed with sour cream and whipped to a hauntingly creamy consistency.

Now imagine being asked to take a nice big lick of the metal bar.

Yeah. Tasty.

It went back and forth, each of us usually eating between 1-6 blots until I suddenly landed myself in a whopping 32 blot debt. In a legendary roll I managed to scream DOUBLE OR NOTHING and clear my debt after agreeing that that was the max usage of "double or nothing". In which case you had no choice but to eat 64 blots of sunscreen. Well over 2 full tablespoons of sunscreen. In hindsight we probably should have lowered this bar even further since it is probably a really bad idea for anyone to intentionally consume any amount of sunscreen in the first place, let alone play a game encouraging mass consumption. Having said that, if you choose to use the dice game for consumption based games... we're not responsible for it!

2. The Flour game

This was basically The Sunscreen Game but with a spoonfuls of cooking flour instead of blots of sunscreen. Sounds simple, right? Sounds better, right? WRONG! Once that spoon full of flour hits your mouth ALL saliva is GONE and you're left with an uncomfortably full mouth trying to take the best course of action to eat this. Do you try to make it a soggy clump or start mixing it around? It really doesn't matter how well you try to deal with this because all roads lead to this:

1. All saliva gone
2. You eventually need to move your mouth
3. Flour explodes inside mouth
4. Entire mouth and throat caked with flour
5. An explosive Milo cough (except it's over 9000 times worse)
6. Seething hatred for the other player
7. Immediate desire to begin the next round to inflict this upon others

I think the worst part of this version of the game hit when we decided to mix Vegeta vegetable stock salt with the flour. This stuff. tastes. horrendous. It was NEVER meant to be eaten straight from the packet and tastes like salty death. This removed any trace of saliva left in our mouth and filled it with an overpowering sulphur + salt + liquid vegetable taste. This was quite possibly the most potent mix from all of the "Why are we playing this; This tastes awful" rounds. Although...

3. Random concoctions

Here we basically substituted the gambling chip for "Eating one tablespoon of ________" Where "______" was a haunting concoction we created every round where each player collects 3 ingredients that make up the mixture.

Recipe Guide:

Tangy surprise: Soy Sauce, Mustard, Caesar Dressing, Coffee Powder, Olive Oil, Vinegar

Ughhh: Sundried Tomato Oil, Peanut Butter, Fish Sauce, Sugar, Tomato Sauce, Garlic Paste

The soundtrack for this game would bring you classics such as "Ugh there was something solid in that", "YUCK! WHAT IS THAT!" and "* Indecipherable spluttering and coughing*"

Try choking down some of your very own recipes today! Post some of the best recipes you've tried and the best may make it into this recipe log!