Slupani Oclipuc; The game formerly known as Slupani Bomarip

Welcome to the best game you will ever play.

Requirements:

• Large yard (or sneak like a ninja throughout your neighbourhood's yards, if anyone does this we want to hear about it!)
• Masks
• Household objects
• Newspaper
• Deck of cards
• Time
• No shame
• Slight insanity
• At least 2 people

If you're familiar with Calvin and Hobbes, this game was based off the "anything we make up is a rule" game of Calvin Ball, we have to take a moment to accredit this genius comic which inspired this game. Now from here on out we steal absolutely all credit for this game.

Step 1: Names
Play a round of "Spatido Bunthax" to determine your own characters names. (If you don't have scrabble pieces you're welcome to use our original and superior characters; Slupani, Oclipuc or Bomarip)

Step 2: Masks
Making these is a requirement of the game. You can't question this. (As a matter of fact don't question any aspect of this game, accept it with blind faith that we will lead you into having uncomfortable amounts of fun.) The weirder the mask the better. If you don't at least look at yourself in the mirror and seriously doubt your own sanity you aren't trying hard enough.

Basic rules: (For 2 people, if you're playing with teams, work it out yourself)
Scrunch up 6 balls of newspaper. These are eggs. Set aside 6 open sheets of newspaper. These are nests. You get to hide your three nests on your half of the yard/neighbourhood and each nest starts off with one egg in it.  Got it? Great. No? I don't care, if you're lost here then give up trying to understand this game.
The basic aim is to:
a) Get 4 eggs into one of your nests
b) Stop the other person getting 4 eggs in one of their nests
c) Make the other person look as stupid as humanly possible while doing so
*Note: you can only move one egg at a time and you can't move any eggs between your own nests.

How do you make them look stupid, you say? We're glad you asked! Just like in daily life, the true pleasure in this game is found in a bit of old fashioned Schadenfreude as about 90% of the items in the game are designed to force the other player to do idiotic things.

Step 3: Items
Your yard should be divided into two halves. Somewhere in these halves you should have 2 "shops" where random items are kept. You can visit the shop at any time but to earn an item you have to draw a card from the deck of cards placed at each shop.
Diamonds - Pick any item
Heart- Draw again
Clubs- Do 15 star jumps, then you may draw again
Spades- Immediately run to the other shop (then do whatever you want)


Now here's the best bit. Making up your items. Words cannot stress how weird these items should be. Here is our list of suggested items:

• Berries (The basic attacking unit. We happen to have a huge hedge of weird yellow berries we grabbed handfuls of but if you don't have anything like that the only thing I can think to suggest is...pebbles? I say pebbles because it sounds better than ROCKS. THROW ROCKS AT EACH OTHER. If your parental figures ever ask I never suggested that.) You can carry 5 of these at a time and if you throw them at the opponent and hit them they have to drop the egg they are carrying (not their items, just if they have an egg.) It's used to launch panic filled attacks on the evil person stealing your precious egg (trust me you start to feel that way after playing this game for a while)
• Reversi stick (An actual dirty stick we found outside, it smelt horrible, I think it may have been the dog's at some point. Try to find one that smells bad.) This stick can be placed in an opponent's nest. If the opponent goes to visit that nest at all or catches a glimpse of the stick lying in their nest they must pick it up and can now only walk backwards until they return the stick to one of the shops.
• House lap trap (A pink rag we drew a bad picture of a house on) This rag can be hidden on any bush or tree and as soon as it is seen by ANYONE sees it (yes even you if you're dumb enough to look at it after you've put it somewhere) they must immediately take it down and do a lap of the house then return the trap to a shop.
• Blind Man's Bluff (A blue rag with a freaky looking eye on it) Same rules as the trap above but the person who sees it is now "blind" so they have to close their eyes, spin around 3 times and cannot open their eyes until they touch the nearest tree (if you don't have a lot of trees where you're playing...goodluck)
• Broomerang (A broken broom we found. I don't know why I called this item broomerang since it has nothing to do with a boomerang...) Another item that can be left in an opponents nest which forces them to ride enthusiastically on the broom as though it is a horse until they collect their next egg from one of your nests.
• Sing to me! card (Just a torn note that happily informs you of your forced activity) If the opponent finds this in their nest they must freeze and cannot move again until they have finished 3 extremely loud renditions of "I'm a little tea pot" complete with actions and all :-) Yes, you seriously have to.
• Invisibility cloak (Absolutely any big coat that is NOT subtle at all, the brighter and more obvious it is the better) You wear this coat while you play and if the opponent sees you (which they probably, you look like an idiot tearing around in a mask and a garish coat) they must immediately close their eyes since your INVISIBLE to them. Who remember's from blind mans bluff how you become unblinded? :D Yup, go run into a tree to get your sight back.
• Magic Water (A water bottle... with some water in it) Can be carried (which, trust me, is a pain) and drank from one time to undo the effects of any other item that affects this player (eg any traps). Then the water bottle is useless and must be returned to the shop.
• Shield (Ours was a piece of cardboard, from one of our many packs of Pepsi max, folded and with a stick shoved through it to form a handle, but you can use anything like a bin lid, a bucket, a hamster...anything really) When carrying this no items affect the player BUT they may only walk and cannot carry ANYTHING else (so if you collect an egg you must drop the shield).
• Hybird Werewolf card (A piece of paper with a garish drawing of a hybird werewolf) Another delightful treat to leave in an opponents nest. If you find this card in your nest you must run like a hybrid werewolf until you collect your next egg. "WHAT!??!" You say? Picture a werewolf. Picture it being slightly human and drooling and running like a freaking psychopath. Now... do it! RUN!
• Surgeon's glove (A biking glove we'd long since lost the matching glove for, but any glove will work. Also the word surgeon has nothing to do with the glove's ability.) You wear this glove and if you "tag" your opponent at any point in the game they must drop anything they were carrying and can now only crawl on their hands and knees until they touch a tree. (We seem to have made trees god damn magical in this game! ALL HAIL THE MAGICAL TREES) The surgeons glove must then be dropped.
• Attack ball (The chewed up disgusting dogs ball. Half the challenge was being game to choose to pick up this item...) Basically you can just throw this ball at the other person at any point in the game and if you hit them they have to drop anything they were carrying. Words cannot describe the joy of propelling a gross dog-saliva-coated ball at an unsuspecting victim, forcing them to drop their prized egg they painstakingly hunted down and neeeeearly got back to their nest.

Remember these are just some of our weird items. We try to make up more each time we play so each game is different and more insane than the last. MAKE UP EVEN WEIRDER ITEMS. DO IT! The more bizarre the better! POST YOUR ITEM SUGGESTIONS :D WE WILL MAKE A POST WITH THE BEST SUGGESTIONS...and a prize may even be involved... if your ideas are awesome enough.

Extra rules:

• At any point, in a last ditch effort to stall the other person, you can yell out "CHALLENGE". The opponent must freeze and yell the FULL name of the game (Slupani Oclipuc; the game formerly known as Slupani Bomarip). If they are unable to do so within 15 seconds (feel free to loudly count down this timer to add maximum distraction while they try desperately to think, cursing those idiots who made up such a ridiculously long useless title) they must drop anything they are carrying and run to touch a tree
• Dropped eggs can be picked up by anyone (the person who dropped it can only pick it up after 20 seconds have gone by)
• We suggest writting the description of items on small bits of paper and taping these to the items so you aren't left standing with a dirty stick in the middle of an adrenaline pumping game of Slupani Oclipuc trying to remember what idiotic activity it demands you complete.
• Before game-play begins players hide their nests in their half of the yard. The nests have to be visible from a certain angle without anything having to be moved to see it.
• Game play begins by players meeting at the half way point between their halves of the yard, grasping forearms and spinning in a high speed circle 3 times before releasing with a cry of "SLUPANI OCLIPUC" (Or whatever names you may be using). Players are then free to race off to find the opponents nests.
• You can only carry one egg at a time.
• You can carry as many items as you want. But seriously, I'm not joking when I say this game is played at a RUN and carrying bulky items around gets annoying fast. (Just warning you!)
• The epic victor of this game who is the first to collect 4 eggs in one nest announces this by yelling their character's name victoriously 3 times. This player has now won and you should feel the shame of defeat and immediately issue a the challenge of a rematch.

The game sounds simple and yet also complex but just try playing and you work it all out pretty quickly. Again, feel free to add your own ideas and adapt the rules if your arena doesn't accommodate our demanding rules. If some of the rules or items don't make sense for you, adapt them so it works. Wrestle them into submission until the game works for you and your insane companions who agreed to play this with you.

Note: This game is played at a RUN with COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ENTHUSIASM. Play it. Get into it. Have your life changed for the better. Leave us a comment telling us how much more epic your life now is.


You're welcome.