The Christian Chronicles 1: The pineapple, the whisk and the chopsticks

Nic and I were spawned shortly after our oldest brother, Christian. While Nic and I were always the ones sneaking 24 packs of Pepsi Max into the house (well...I mean not ALWAYS...we weren't engaging in these ninja missions when we were children) and staying up till 3am playing computer games and laughing far too loudly, Christian was always the one reminding us to brush our teeth and not be too loud. I suppose it's some symptom of being the eldest child that has resulted in him being 85.7% serious, mature and, in general, attempted to keep Nic and I under control. Now and again this theory is completely thrown out the window when Christian does something completely bizarre and hysterical. The Christian Chronicles are a collection of stories that involve this whimsical character we call our brother. So, without further ado...

The Christian Chronicles 1: The pineapple, the whisk and the chopsticks

I live in a share house with two other roommates about 5 minutes from Uni while Nic lives in an apartment in Brisbane, so it is a rare and happy event when Nic and my weekends line up so we can visit each other. Yet somehow I see Nic, who lives in Brisbane, more often than Christian WHO LIVES ON MY STREET. Nic and I have often tried to lure him over when we're hanging out but our valiant efforts almost always fail. This is one of the rare occurrences where Christian visited while Nic was staying at my house for the weekend.

Nic and I were sitting playing Mario Kart when there was a knock at the door. I hurried over and had just undone the lock on the door when BOOM door sails open and Christian strides past clutching a brown paper bag.
Christian: "I have presents."
Me: "Christian?"
Christian: *spins around* "Hey" *spins back to Nic, reaches into the mysterious brown bag and pulls out a packet of Piratos and tosses them to Nic* (This utterly amazing Danish salty liquorice lolly Nic and I love but rarely get because it has to be shipped from Denmark by our family).
Now I cannot describe the intense look of utter joy and hope on my face as he turned towards me and I began dreaming of the bag of Piratos that was about to be bestowed upon me. I actually started salivating as I was teeming with excitement to receive my very own bag like Nic had just been given.
Christian reached into bag
Yessss... :)
And pulled out.... A pineapple.

WHAT? O.o

Where was my bag of Piratos like the one Nic was already tucking into!?!?!? I stood there for about a minute with this shattered look of confusion, holding the pineapple like it was a bomb, still clinging to some thread of hope that there was a bag of Piratos in the brown bag for me too. Christian continued unloading the "presents" which consisted of a food container I'd left at his house and was finally being returned and a CD for Nic and I with tips on "How to mindmap", all the while me standing holding the pineapple wondering if the bag of Piratos was perhaps inside the pineapple.
"So. Why did you bring a pineapple Christian?"
"To eat." *Takes pineapple from Lisa* "Here I'll cut it up go back to your game."
I returned to the game with the glum realisation that I would not get a packet of these rare elusive lollies. Luckily a round of Mario Kart can lift anyones mood and before I knew it I was stealing some of Nic's lollies and immersed in the game. Next thing I know...
Bang, plate set down on the table in front of us.
Christian: "It's a race!"
Me: *not looking away from the game* "What?"
Christian: "GO!"
*Clatter of Christian grabbing something from the plate*
I looked up to see Christian grinning holding a fork like it was his most prized possession, then looked down at the plate only to see a mass of chopped up pineapple, and no more forks, but instead... a pair of chopsticks... and a whisk. I immediately lunged for the chopstick using my gamecube controller as a weapon to hit Nic's hand away and emerged VICTORIOUS firmly grasping my new eating utensils. Nic was left trying to poke bits of pineapple into the whisk and eat from it like one of those dog toys where the treat is crammed inside. We were also still mid race and I have no memory of who won I definitely won the race just for the record. Just as quickly as he came, once the pineapple was finished, Christian stood up and into the night, he was gone once more.

I still want my bag of Piratos.